EMMA WATSON UPSKIRT

The European  Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English  will be the official language of the European Union rather  than German, which was the other possibility.

As  part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded  that English spelling had some room for improvement and has  accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as  "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace  the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants  jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of  "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have  one less letter.

There will be growing  publik enthusiasm in  the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced  with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.  

In the 3rd  year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted  to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are  possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of  double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate  speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of  the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go  away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps  such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with  "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be  dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and  after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil  sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun  vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united  urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze  fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze  forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza  pepl.